Cook with Love

Posted by Special Correspondent : Madame de Coquenard

The Japanese culture is full of greetings.
To name a few;
tadaima - ただいま: when you come home
okaeri - お帰り: to welcome someone home
itterasshai - 行ってらっしゃい: to send off someone from your home
irasshaimase - いらっしゃいませ: store clerk to a client enetering a store
itadakimasu - 頂きます: "thank you for the meal/ i thank you for preparing the meal"; before commencing a meal
gochisousama deshita - ご馳走様でした: "thank you for the meal"; after completing a meal
otsukare sama - お疲れ様: "you must be tired"; to someone who's completed hard work; you say this to coworkers at work when you see them in the hallway, bathroom, etc.
osakini shitsurei itashimasu - お先に失礼致します: "please excuse me before you"; you say this to coworkers when you leave the office before them

Naturally, the greeting culture migrates to the dinner table. I had a difficult time with R in the beginning of our relationship. A meal for me should not be devoured before an "itadakimasu", and does not feel complete without a "gochisousama". When we first started dating, I went with the American culture and ate without saying anything. Actually, I would say it to myself before and after a meal. I mean, it's not like a proper grace or anything. In my mind, it's one simple word to show appreciation for the preparer. (To me, the one that brings food to the table is not God, but rather the farmers, nature, mother, wife, husband, sister, whomever.)

But later when I started cooking more, it didn't feel right that someone was eating my meals without an "itadakimasu". I guess the feeling comes with the effort of cooking for someone. So I started saying it out loud, and R naturally followed. Nowadays, he doesn't eat without putting his hands together and saying the magic word. Maybe because I stare at him in silence if he tries.Another difference in food culture I've observed involves the attitude towards meals at the table. I wonder if France, the gastronomical mecca, is more similar to Japan. At home in Tokyo, with the first bite of our mother's food we tell her, "oishii! (this is delicious!) hontou ni oishii (really delicious!). what's in it? how is it prepared?" Even my father, who's been married to my mother for 30+ years, always says, "a~ shiawase da. hontou ni oishii" (I am so happy. You really cook so well.") I think it's wonderful that after so many years and so many meals, my father still lets my mother know how lucky he feels to be eating her food.Doesn't seem like people in the US are too interested in the food and its process of preparation. I know my comments are a gross generalization, but gastronomy is indeed deeply rooted in culture. There's been a growing interest in the culinary field in the US in recent years, but there's definitely less remarks about the meal compared to a typical household in Japan.

It took me a while to understand that when R is eating in silence, he really likes the meal. He is so into it that he forgets to say anything. But until I understood this, it used to worry me so much that he doesn't like the food I made. And then I would get angry because he'd finish the meal and take the dishes to the kitchen without a word. Oh, maybe a "thank you, that was good". So once, when he cooked for me, I decided to test him. I ate in absolute silence, watching TV. I noticed him looking at me, wondering if I'd comment. But I continued to eat wordlessly and said thanks and took the dishes to the kitchen. (Yes, I'm mean) I came back to the table and laughed and told him, "If something is good, I'd like to hear it. And yes, your meal was super-oishii."

When preparing something for your loved ones, there's nothing more elating than hearing that one simple word. おいしい。(oishii)