Wait a moment… pizza? Please tell me it’s a joke.
You can’t be serious. Visions of the Hindenburg are going through my mind. “Oh, the humanity! I can’t talk, ladies and gentlemen!!” As a pizza snob, this hurt my ears. Pizza? C’mon! How can pizza, one of my favorite dishes, be someone’s most hated? How bad could it be? I always said: pizza is like sex – it can never be bad, just better or worse.
Fast forward a couple days later. He is so sweet and bought me a pizza as a surprise. My fellow readers… now I understand. The last couple times I’ve been to China, I told them I felt sorry for them, because they don’t really see blue skies due to all the pollution. I was quite delighted to see that’s not the case so much any more. Now I feel deep sorrow for them on another level – their pizza. Aramis has spoken about his WTF moments. He uses it positively. This WTF moment was not.
When I am visiting abroad, I eat as the Romans do. But hey, I won’t turn down a pizza, especially if given to me as a gift. I opened the box of pizza to dig in, and…
I think people know how open-minded I am, especially when it comes to food. And it’s pizza, right? I am above just pepperoni and sausage. Pineapple and ham is not a big deal. I’ve had all sorts of toppings. But this!?! Let me tell you about my pizza –
The “normal” stuff were crust, cheese, shrooms, and ham. I would have been fine there. But nooooooo
“Abnormal” – no sauce. That’s right, there was no sauce. But that was the most non-abnormal. There was corn spread around. Okay, I can deal with that. Next, lemon wedges? Not sure. I bit into the pizza. No, they were hunks of potatoes! On top, the pizza was encircled with a white stripe like something from Cinnabon. It was mayonnaise. Next to the pizza were two containers. I thought they were jalapeño peppers. Nope, they were slices of sweet pickles. Ok, I experimented and put a couple pieces on my slices. It just gets worse, folks. Finally, the pizza had corn flakes sprinkled all across the top.
Friends, I just had bad sex.